There Is No Future
by OneLastRefrain
Summary: POST:RENT With Roger’s death quickly approaching, Mimi says a final goodbye, that isn’t forever.


Title: There Is No Future

Summary: With Roger's death quickly approaching, Mimi says a final goodbye, that isn't forever.

Pairing: Roger/Mimi

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Angst/Romance

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters.

Roger was always my best friend, my lover, for years. We'd have our arguments every now and then, pout about it for a day or two, and then both apologize, kiss and make out. That was how it always was with us.

A year after our second Christmas, we had one last fight. I had made the biggest mistake of my life; choosing drugs over him. I was out of chances. It was my third strike and I was out.

I got Mark's phone call about two months later. I always knew this day was going to come, but was hoping it would be later rather then sooner. I could still remember his shaking voice, "Mimi...you need to get here."

Needless to say, I rushed over, leaving work, and heading back to the loft that I had once called home. Really, I didn't know what to expect. But as I knocked on the door with a firm string knock, I held my breath.

Mark's eyes were blood shot and as he opened the door for me, the messy loft came into my view. Basically, everything looked so gray and pale. Old and aged.

He mumbled his thanks that I had came, like I wouldn't for some reason. Mark motioned almost immediately to go see him down the hall, I was a bit hesitant.

I wanted to just sit down and have some tea from the water that was over boiling on the stove but I knew that I didn't have a choice. I couldn't ignore seeing him. As terrified as I was, I took a small breath and walked down the hall towards his bedroom.

The door was only cracked open an inch but I could tell it was pretty dark in the room. A diseased cough broke the silence and I couldn't help but flinch at the gruesome sound. I slowly pushed the door open gently with my hand and took a few steps into the room.

The only light that was on was a small night light next to his dresser. His room was a mess and as I stepped towards his bed, I stumbled over his clothing that had been thrown on the floor. The smell of sweet cough medicine lingered in the air along with the think lucid scent of Vicks. The light allowed me barely to make out his skeletal shape in the bed as my eyes slowly adjusted to the bad lighting, and I stepped to his side.

Eyes closed, I felt myself panic for a moment before my eyes skimmed down his figure, feeling relieved as I caught sight of his chest slowly rising and falling, in an un-rhythmic pattern.

Just observing his diminishing figure made tears glaze my eyes as I covered my mouth with my hand, staring down at my suffering lover. It didn't matter that we had split up, inside, I knew this would probably be the last moment we'd ever share together. I wanted to drop dead for being so stupid in the past months.

My heart picked up a beat as I slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, next to him. The only sound in the room was the rain tapping on the roof along with Roger's raspy breathing.

A single tear escaped my eye before I quickly brushed it away, rubbing my face a bit and sniffing in attempt to unclear my now stuffy nose. With that, his eyes slowly fluttered open to look at me, a dazed dreamy look masked in his worn out and tired hazel eyes. "Mimi.." He whispered, dry lips parted as he coughed once again, more drier this time. "I-"

I placed my index finger over his lips to silence him, "Shh…it's okay." I murmured softly to him before my hand found his skeletal thinning hand that was placed on the pillow beside him. I took his hand into my own, thumb brushing gently along the back of his hand soothingly, "I'm not leaving."

He looked reassured as he watched me exhaustedly, eyes slit open slightly. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he had been holding out to see me, one last time.

Roger murmured something about giving me his guitar, and as attentively I was listening to him, my mind wasn't focusing on what he was saying. I didn't want to accept that I would never see him again, never touch or kiss him again.

I wasn't quite aware of it but I was crying and for the last time, he lifted his free hand to wipe away the tears. I had wanted to be so strong for him, and now here I was, sobbing like a baby instead of making the best of our time left together. He didn't seem to mind though, and he was more then willing to have me curled up beside him, crying into his chest. It amazed me how strong he was when death was only a moment or two away. He still managed to make me feel so safe, so protected.

We held each other in our arms until he lifted my chin to look at him and whispered that he'd always love me. We shared a final gentle, delicate kiss, which was almost as special as our first, a kiss that I'd remember for the duration of my lifetime. We ended it both crying when I told him I'd always love him too.

Though we were both sobbing, we managed to let out a small laugh at one another, like old times. There was always such a connection there between us, like we were kids being yelled at and the moment we caught each others gaze, we'd start laughing. Ironically it was one of those moments that we managed to laugh through our tears. I'm sure he didn't want our last time together to be so tragic, though no matter how hard we tried to just recall all our good times together, we couldn't so much live in the past anymore.

There was no more past or future. It was the present.

I beckoned him to sleep, promising I wouldn't leave his side. He easily gave in, almost wantingly. I could tell how tired he was and deep down, didn't want to see him go through so much pain any longer. We curled up under the covers to keep warm from the February chill and I could feel him fall asleep, breathing pattern slowly becoming lighter. I kissed the top of his head before curling up behind him, arms wrapped around him, grasping on to his hand with a death grip.

Surprisingly, I slowly drifted to sleep, being lulled to rest by his peaceful breathing. When I woke up, he was cold and his hand was limp in mine.

I could hear Mark's shuffling footsteps outside the room, pacing back and forth. I kissed the top of his head one last time, more tears unwillingly streaming down my cheeks as I parted from his lifeless body and climbing off the bed holding back my hysterical tears that were begging to come out. I looked back to his bed once before reopening the door and coming face to face with a worried Mark. As soon as he saw me, tears fell from his eyes.

I didn't have to speak a word to let him know that Roger was gone. He embraced me and we cried together for our best friend, for such an unfair fate. He was supposed to be a rock star, a musician. He was only twenty three and had his entire life ahead of him.

I knew he was in a better place though and was almost sure that Angel had carried him home where in heaven; he would make all his dreams come true.

And we would be together soon enough.


End file.
